I guess I got worried and paraoid about Seth being gone for no reason, he returned yesterday, he was pissed at our Mom though...but he returned, and Seth's upset about my eatting habits.

I am so lonely without my family today, but at lest I got somethings done I needed to do and I drew an otherkin design sheet of me and Seth, Wednesday (my bond) came in and took food away from me, I was about ready to over eat again if I didn't already today, not sure whats wrong with me. I been thinking about Seth, I wonder where Seth is now, since it seems he left the system, I wonder if he truly left this time or if he's coming back, well I made this anyway, even if I don't see from Seth in system again:

http://glimmer17.deviantart.com/art/Seth-n-Glimmer-Story-n-Sheet-143194768

I been thinking about Aaron today and things we talk about on the phone, I wonder if I gave him good advice, and I wish he knew what he wanted to do. If he wants me enough to want to marry me someday or not, he mentions it, but I understand being unsure about that stuff, I just wish he had a clearer idea, or maybe I'm not seeing it clearly what he means.

Gosh I kinnda miss Seth in system....=/ ya know, sometimes Seth's personlity reminds me of my bf Aaron's, odd I still been thinking about how odd is seems....

On another note, I noticed that on DA, people seem to comment less and faveorite more.XD

`Glimmer/Fenrir

God I wish I had someone to talk to now!!!!

Aaron called the past two nights, still trying to find away to get me to AZ with him. I'll probably go, but I want to be comfortable there, not go there and live in a tent or anything like that. Just go there and have a place to stay while there sorta deal.

Sister is going out of town to see a specialist for her liver problems with Mom and Dani, and I choosen to stay home today, I feel sorta bad about it cause I know she's went with me to doctor visits, but I really feel like I need this 'down time' this 'alone' time.

~Glimmer/Fenrir

Oh, boy! I been drawing more! I actually feel like drawing more female-like....meh....drawings....meh...

Oh and I think I been having an eating disorder, seriously, I think I been eating to much, the body's skinny, but my appetite sure seems bigger then it should be lately... >_< Please don't put ANY food in-front of me *crys*

I wish Mom and Dani didn't watch t.v. all night and have it blaring loud that it goes all the way up to my room in the night and I'm trying to sleep through it. I wish Dani wasn't an inconsiderate ass-whole. I'm still tired, I was trying to role play yesterday and kept falling asleep. I think I have something wrong with me, I also wish that when I try to go downstairs to the bath room people didn't follow me....

I wanna draw and color today, but sadly I am to tired.....I think I'll go back to bed.....

Aaron called me about 11 or 12ish at night, I may have been sleeping when he did, but it was great to hear from him, I missed him, and he said he missed me, so he called, I'm glad, I was scared once he left that he'd stop talking to me as much, which that idea, sorta made me sad, but trying not to get emo, he said he doesn't want me like that while he's back in AZ, he's trying to think of away to get me to AZ for awhile to be with him....I'd love to see him again.

~Glimmer/Fenrir

This is how I see me and my forms the full wolf/dog form, and the dragon full form, (I'm guessing abit on the dragon part since I never really saw it in dreams yet, other then it's color, and I don't remember what it looks like yet.) And in the middle is my most human-ish looking form. Sometime from my mind's eye, the humanish form alot like the neko in anime sorta, it's like a boy with, long brown hair, star on head, white eyes, and the animal like ears, I keep getting a negitive about me having in a tail or any of that in my most humanish like form so I left it out.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v63/estar/glimmmmernew.jpg

Prob through it up on DA as an ID. *crosses paws*

~Fenrir/Glimmer
(Fenrir's just another name I go by anymore)

I been thinking alot about myself as an otherkin, myself without the influence of Seth, since he's been rather absent. I know I have a wolf/dog full form, I know I have this werewolf looking form, and a dragon full form, and a were-dragon like form, and then I know for certain I feel, and saw myself have a very human looking like form in dreams, but inside I know it's not human, and I knew it wasn't Seth, I know me and Seth are two very different souls (even if we was merged before). I know that now, but I been thinking about this form of mine that I KNOW looks very human, but I just know inside there is differences in it making it look more 'wolf'-ish, and I know I thought this before, but I feel like maybe my must human-like form is much like the 'anime neko' thing. I'm really leaning towards thinking my more human looking form looks sorta like a neko, like a human looking creature with animal like ears, and possibly a tail...and that it looks like a very young human boy with these animal fertures on it. Sorta like Ritsuka from Loveless, but of course, with my look, long brown hair, the star like scar on the forhead, fuzzy looking dog ears, and maybe a tail, maybe smaller wings, but looking mostly like a human, although I know it's not, and then from there I shift to the other forms, on the astral plane. I feel like I should draw this, and update my profile to my self discoveries of the time.

I'm not sure if Seth will return, I feel like I helped him with whatever he needed, so I'm not sure if he's going to be staying with me anymore....I'll try and draw my picture of my must human looking form, so that I can update my profile to fit the 'me' I am today and know myself as. I just know the form looks like a young feminine boy with long, long, brown hair, short, and has the markings.

I miss Aaron too, been checking my messager to see if he wrote anything, but I guess not. I'll check it later, he doesn't have net where he's at either so....I wonder, how the up coming year will go...

~Fenrir/Glimmer

I figured just in case I ever change my bio in my profile I'd make a post of what I made it as at the moment since I was really informative on myself in it here it is in post form:


Name: Fenrir/Glimmer Star
Otherkin: Wolf/Dog Dragon
SoulBonder
Hippie
Vegetarian (Works to be one.)
Music: Goth, Heavy Metal, Classical
Favorite Bands: Deathstars, Wednesday 13, Murderdolls, Slipknot, Disturbed
Fashion: Goth (most the time.)
Favorite Color: Black (kinnda goes with why I where black alot.)
Likes: Gothic things, Wolves, Dragons, Angels, Animes, Video Games, Role Play's, Stories, Musics, Family, Aaron (My BF <3), Food, Drawing, Art
Favorite Video Games: Kingdom Hearts II, Metal Gear Solid (all), FF8, FF7, Bloody Roar 4, Tekken, Sonic the Hedgehog.
Favorite Foods: Tea, Chinese, Beans (when I make them), Apple Pie, Chocolate, Wheat Cereal, Noodles with Broccoli, Steamed Veggies


I believe my soul does not originate from Earth and that I am a spirit from the astral plane or somewhere from the stars, and chose to be born in a human body on this planet for now. My spirit form is not human, though my form does change and varies, it is most similar to that and a mix of a wolf/dog, dragon, and a humanoid like creature. I have dreams where I can shapeshift like a werewolf/weredragon, and I have shared my spirit body, and human body on Earth with an dark angelic spirit named Seth. I might have chosen to be on this planet to help Seth my angel friend who had shared the body with me in mind space, but I'm still not sure as of why I am here, but I am sure there was a reason. I believe I have/had vampiric tenancies usually in the fall, but I believe it might have been due to the dark angel Seth who might have been in a loose of energy being a fallen and decaying angel at one point. Beyond myself being an otherkin spirit, I am a soul bonder, this means that I channel and talk with "fictional characters" I believe they are real in their own worlds somewhere in the multi-verse, a parallel universe, another dimension, another realm ect. ect. I think 'anything' is possible somewhere and that their truly is no fiction, just that someone channeled events in another place human's on this planet may never get to see in physical time. I believe my spirit has always existed in the universe and that time it's self is not measured on the astral plane's, that it is only measured with the physical worlds. I think my spirit has jumped between times, and time has never effected it till, I was on this planet. I also believe in reincarnation, I never been born before to my knowledge, but this time, but I believe in it. I believe each planet has it's own 'life stream', I also believe in astral projection, and I believe I experience this while on this planet, that even as I am here I still visit 'home' the stars and see my 'soul bonds' on their plane's.

My personality is that of a little boy's I believe! My emotions I can experience to extremes at times, my emotions are full, I can be emo to just really hyper and playful. I'm really playful actually! :3 I love video games, animes, drawing, and role play's, (but as a reminder this journal *is not* any sort of role play). I love toys, fun, and childish things, my imagination never seemed to fade as must adult's do, (this makes it hard for me to function in the 'real world'). I feel like mentally I never grew up past the age of 12 sometimes to age 16. I feel like I barely change in personality as the years roll by, I feel like I stayed the same growing up as all my friends changed so much, it makes me feel 'stuck' in the same time, as time moves past me so fast. It makes me feel ageless at times, spiritually I feel I am, but physically I know better for 'the body'. Spiritally though, I am much like a 12 year old boy, sometimes in dreams I even feel my most 'human' like form is about that size and appears about that age. Though usually I take the form of a creature similar to a wolf/dog and sometimes a tan/redish colored dragon. I *do not* think I'm a wolf from Earth or any creature from this planet.

From my dreams and memory's I know my wolf-like form is brown, with white glowing eyes, the star on the forhead can glow white when the eyes do, the ears are actually sort of fuzzy and abit floppy like a dog's, my back is very fuzzy. My dragon-like form is tanish, much like a Western Dragon, and this is all I know of it, and lastly I have a humanish like form, it's like a boy as stated before, and has long brown hair, I believe it has animal like look to it and the star like a burn in my forhead. These three forms can combine, and shift between them all. Seth also had his own form with mine, when combine with me in my most human like form we had blond hair, the star, and angel wings, when Seth is separate he looked about age 17, and had short brown hair. When we was/are merged he could use my wolf and dragon forms and shapeshift along with his dark angel form. I always felt he was more mature then me.

On this planet Earth, physically, the body is a female, with long brown hair, and at the moment is age 21. I usually dress the body in black, and am sort of gothic, I'm mostly vegetarian, and sort of a hippie. I don't believe in corporate ways, and the 9 to 5 life style, I feel the world could better it's self, and human's could do something to improve their lifestyles. I love relaxing and watching candles burn and listening to classical music for an escape into peace, but on the exact opposite I love listening to heavy metal. (It's Seth's fault, I swear he got me into it.)

~Fenrir/Glimmer

My boyfriend Aaron came back to SD from AZ where he's stationed for the Army. I use to go to high school with Aaron and we was friends about 7 years I think since schools days to out of school days, we 'went out' off and on, but are much more serious about it now days then we was. I'm not going in much details on this journal to save time, but he is a great boyfriend. He treated me great, took me out to eat, bought me some gifts, we made out with candle light, I'll be blunt (because I'm proud to be with him) we had anal sex. Got past the pain and it was pretty good, the guy's pretty good with that type of stuff, but I actually do care about him ALOT. A few nights later about the last night he was up here I had a break down begging him not to leave, but he said he had too. He gave me his dog tags.....

I hope he returns and I miss him a whole lot. He's such a nice guy, I told him about me being an otherkin, about Seth, and about my soulbonds, he says he still loves me anyways, and this is why I'm not hiding my journal no longer, since I don't care if he finds or reads it now since he already knows. I told him everything that happened with my X bf, although I never talked much about X in this journal and the most that I did got removed anyway...Sometimes Aaron reminds me of Seth, the music he listens too, and it was just weird that Aaron said "if he was to be an otherkin he'd probably be an angel". But he claims that he is nothing, but human, and I don't mind that at all, I like him for it, for him. He have been talking about marriage in the future so we'll see how things go. <3 I really loved seeing and being with him, he grew up so much and became such a great man. I'm so lucky to be with him, I hope nothing bad happens, he promises he won't step out, I hope he doesn't. I'm just paranoid since my last X mind fucked me year or so ago....

Aaron told me not to be emo while he's gone, I'm gonna try not to be, but I miss him, glad he lets me be myself even if I'm 'odd' being otherkin...this journal needs remodeled and my self pictures need updated.

I also had a series of dreams that involved Seth telling me his past of being a fallen angel, and then some other thing trying to control Seth to do it's bidding some evil dark spirit. In the dreams I fought off the dark spirit from controling Seth, I had a dream where I think I defeated it, and since then Seth talked to be alittle bit, something about "watching over me" and he wasn't refurring to himself as a dark angel anymore.....I haven't really heard from him for now, but he may return I'm not sure....

~Fenrir

Lately I just been feeling connected to our speaical version of Nero on my system. And thinking of drawing him, and then I been feeling close to the old bond Punishment again. It's been since 2006 since I felt close, I'm not sure what to make of that, maybe it was because I saw Punishment in a dream, although Seth was in it too. And we was knocked into 'awkard state' in the dream thanks too Punishment, Seth was saying their enegery 'canceals' each other out because they are so 'close'. I'm not sure what Seth ment, but Punishment seemed angery that him, which I thought was me. Claiming how I 'thought' I created him and stuff and it made him mad. But I think it might have been Seth he was mad at, not sure, me and Seth was combined at that time, we was in the same spirit body.

Then there's this, I been paying VERY close attention to my dreams for the past two monthes, trying to watch my behavior while combin with Seth to see if it felt 'right'. It was because of that that I felt we wasn't exactly the same person, he was getting past memories, that I don't feel relate to me 'glimmer' their only his 'Seth's'. It makes me feel we are two people from two different origans, but, we met at the middle and are one-ish. Sort sometimes I feel like I am one person who was once two people with two different pasts. Confusing, but for now I'm staying sperate from him, (well as sperate as I can 'get') until we figure out what to do from there. Molding together as 'one' didn't seem to work. Also, while paying attention to those dreams, I noticed my wolf form, and how it looked in reflections. And, the star was there on the forhead, but it was more like a branding, and then when my eyes glowed white so did the star. I also saw no black in my fur, I was basicly solid brown, and my ears was sorta like a dog's ears, and the fur on my back was rather fluffy. I still never reall saw the dragon form fully I just know it's tannish red, Western Dragon style, long neck, tail, and bigger.

This in spires me to draw myself, fixing the mistakes on how I drew my form, no black, wolf/dogish, brown, white glowing star, flffy fur and fluffy floppy like ears. ALso thinking of drawing Star the wizard that I role play rarely, lol.

~Glimmer